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Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
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21 January 2010
Will be the best email of 2010
14 May 2009
Theories, Speculations & Questions About Lost
I'm not one of those to read all the blogs, website and forums regarding Lost but the season finale gave me a lot of things to think about and a lot of questions left unanswered. These are just some of them:
1)The ship was the old Mayflower type, with masts etc. The clothing that Jacob and the other guy wore at the beginning of the show represented “old times.”
At the beginning of the show when Jacob and the “other guy” were talking, the other guy said things always ended up the same way when ships came, “they come, fight, destroy. It always ends up the same way.”
Jacob replies “yeah but it only ends once, anything that happens before that is just progress.”
Q. What does he mean when he says “anything before that?”
The clothing and the ship indicate earlier times but then he’s almost talking in the future
2)In the funeral portion of the show, Jacob tells “James” that he’s sorry about his mother and father.
At the time James is writing a letter that reads “Dear Mr. Sawyer, You don’t know who I am but I know who you are and I know what you done.”
The guy tells him that he knows he’s angry at the man that did this to his mommy and daddy, that he has to let it go, what’s done is done.
He’s James but is he really “James Sawyer?”
3)When Richard konks Ellie on the head he says “he’s protecting their leader.”
I thought Richard was the leader.
4)When James, Kate and Juliet meet up with Bernard and Rose and they’re parting ways, Bernard asks Juliet if she’s sure she doesn’t want some tea. She’s holding her stomach at that point and Bernard is looking at her like he knows something.
I wonder if Bernard knows she’s going to die?
5)Alana, the woman who took Sayid captive is the only one who has known Jacob off the island. Then when the group finds that shack they know something about the ash. This all seems to indicate that they’ve come and gone from the island. Why can they come and go but the Lostees weren’t supposed to leave?
6)Alana pulls a little woven thing out of her pocket after one of the guys asks where they’re to go once they set fire to the shack. The woven thing has the statue on it. Everyone has speculated that the statue is Anubis but Anubis is the head of a Jackal. The picture on the woven thing is not the same shape as the Jackal.
In looking at the ancient pictures I’ve found that it looks more like Seth, brother to Osiris. Seth is always depicted with the Ankh in his hand hanging down. Seth is the God of the dessert, storms and violence
7)When Jacob is on the bench reading a book outside the place where John Locke falls from the window, the book is called “Everything That Rises Must Converge” by Flannery O’Connor The picture on the front is a dove/bird with an arrow going into it’s chest.
8)This is a real book. The writer was given her last O’Henry award for it just before her death. The story is about violence and corruption. This is one narrative:
In O'Connor's fiction, she consistantly uses violence to depict a character's realization that they are fallen and need something outside of themselves (take a look at her prose collection Mystery and Manners). It is usually after such a violent act that her character has an internal epiphany of sorts (see some of her other stories such as "Greenleaf" and "A Good Man is Hard to Find"). In this story, both the mother and her son are rocked. The mother, continuing to pursue her bigotry, is hit by the black woman and has a stroke. She is given a second chance, free from bigotry and from her dependence on her son. The son comes to a shocking realization that he needs, period. His character represents the common atheist, who believes he needs nothing spiritually, for there is no spiritual. This kind of "violent grace" is found throughout all of her works (once again, refer to Mystery and Manners).
• this also reinforces my idea that the statue is of Seth
9)At Jin and Sun’s wedding, Jacob tells them that their love is a special thing and that they should “never take it for granted.” This is another lesson in the book that he had been reading previously
10) In surgery Jacks dad told him that it wasn’t the father who didn’t believe in him, that it was Jack who didn’t believe in himself. When Jacob helped Jack get his candy bar from the vending machine he told Jack that “it just appeared to be stuck and needed a little push.”
11) In the jungle James was telling Jack that a con-man took everything his mom and dad had. After that his dad shot his mom and then shot his own head off. James was under the bed. He told Jack that it was a year ago. That if he had stayed on the sub he could go back and stop his dad from killing his mom. Jack asks why he didn’t and he said “because what is done is done.” Just like what Jacob told James at the funeral
James tells Jack that a man does what he does because he wants something for himself.
Q) So, when James writes that letter to “Mr. Sawyer” is he writing to his own dead dad to tell him that he saw what he did to his mom and to himself?
12)Juliet sends James in the jungle to stop Jack. When James is beating the crap out of Jack, Juliet stops him. He reminds her she sent him there and now she things Jack is right? She tells James that “she changed her mind.”
When James and Juliet are walking back he questions her motives and what changed her mind. She tells James she changed her mind when she saw him look at Kate. He told her that he was with her and she repeated what her parents told her, that just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
He asked her why she was doing this, she said “If I never meet you, then I never have to leave you.”
13)Jacob gets Hurley out of jail and then tries to convince him that he’s blessed instead of cursed or crazy. He tells Hurley that he’s lucky he can talk to those that have “left him.”
14)When Alana and her group meet up with Richard, Ben etc at the beach she asks him the question “What lies in the shadow of the statue?”
He answers her in a foreign language which she understands and seems to find comfort in knowing he is “one of them.”
Q, Why does she “need” for Richard to see what is in the crate?
15) In the cave, when Ben is confronting Jacob he said he’d been waiting 35 years to meet him, always doing what he was told to do and never being able to meet Jacob but when “he” (pointing to Locke) asks to see Jacob he’s marched straight there as if he was Moses. Ben wants to know why? Why Locke?
Ben then kills Jacob and the fake Locke rolls him into the fire after Jacob tells him that the other people are coming.
Will the fake Locke now take on the persona of Jacob and tell them that it was fake Locke that was killed and burned in the fire?
16)Juliet doesn’t die when she falls and then she causes that bomb to blow. Will this throw her back or forward or wherever so this never really happened? Will she end up alive next year after all?
17) When the island blow, what happens to the people on the island who are oblivious like Bernard and Rose? Do they go back too? They never left the island and never met Jacob (well that we know of) so will they be affected or just dead or what?
1)The ship was the old Mayflower type, with masts etc. The clothing that Jacob and the other guy wore at the beginning of the show represented “old times.”
At the beginning of the show when Jacob and the “other guy” were talking, the other guy said things always ended up the same way when ships came, “they come, fight, destroy. It always ends up the same way.”
Jacob replies “yeah but it only ends once, anything that happens before that is just progress.”
Q. What does he mean when he says “anything before that?”
The clothing and the ship indicate earlier times but then he’s almost talking in the future
2)In the funeral portion of the show, Jacob tells “James” that he’s sorry about his mother and father.
At the time James is writing a letter that reads “Dear Mr. Sawyer, You don’t know who I am but I know who you are and I know what you done.”
The guy tells him that he knows he’s angry at the man that did this to his mommy and daddy, that he has to let it go, what’s done is done.
He’s James but is he really “James Sawyer?”
3)When Richard konks Ellie on the head he says “he’s protecting their leader.”
I thought Richard was the leader.
4)When James, Kate and Juliet meet up with Bernard and Rose and they’re parting ways, Bernard asks Juliet if she’s sure she doesn’t want some tea. She’s holding her stomach at that point and Bernard is looking at her like he knows something.
I wonder if Bernard knows she’s going to die?
5)Alana, the woman who took Sayid captive is the only one who has known Jacob off the island. Then when the group finds that shack they know something about the ash. This all seems to indicate that they’ve come and gone from the island. Why can they come and go but the Lostees weren’t supposed to leave?
6)Alana pulls a little woven thing out of her pocket after one of the guys asks where they’re to go once they set fire to the shack. The woven thing has the statue on it. Everyone has speculated that the statue is Anubis but Anubis is the head of a Jackal. The picture on the woven thing is not the same shape as the Jackal.
In looking at the ancient pictures I’ve found that it looks more like Seth, brother to Osiris. Seth is always depicted with the Ankh in his hand hanging down. Seth is the God of the dessert, storms and violence
7)When Jacob is on the bench reading a book outside the place where John Locke falls from the window, the book is called “Everything That Rises Must Converge” by Flannery O’Connor The picture on the front is a dove/bird with an arrow going into it’s chest.
8)This is a real book. The writer was given her last O’Henry award for it just before her death. The story is about violence and corruption. This is one narrative:
In O'Connor's fiction, she consistantly uses violence to depict a character's realization that they are fallen and need something outside of themselves (take a look at her prose collection Mystery and Manners). It is usually after such a violent act that her character has an internal epiphany of sorts (see some of her other stories such as "Greenleaf" and "A Good Man is Hard to Find"). In this story, both the mother and her son are rocked. The mother, continuing to pursue her bigotry, is hit by the black woman and has a stroke. She is given a second chance, free from bigotry and from her dependence on her son. The son comes to a shocking realization that he needs, period. His character represents the common atheist, who believes he needs nothing spiritually, for there is no spiritual. This kind of "violent grace" is found throughout all of her works (once again, refer to Mystery and Manners).
• this also reinforces my idea that the statue is of Seth
9)At Jin and Sun’s wedding, Jacob tells them that their love is a special thing and that they should “never take it for granted.” This is another lesson in the book that he had been reading previously
10) In surgery Jacks dad told him that it wasn’t the father who didn’t believe in him, that it was Jack who didn’t believe in himself. When Jacob helped Jack get his candy bar from the vending machine he told Jack that “it just appeared to be stuck and needed a little push.”
11) In the jungle James was telling Jack that a con-man took everything his mom and dad had. After that his dad shot his mom and then shot his own head off. James was under the bed. He told Jack that it was a year ago. That if he had stayed on the sub he could go back and stop his dad from killing his mom. Jack asks why he didn’t and he said “because what is done is done.” Just like what Jacob told James at the funeral
James tells Jack that a man does what he does because he wants something for himself.
Q) So, when James writes that letter to “Mr. Sawyer” is he writing to his own dead dad to tell him that he saw what he did to his mom and to himself?
12)Juliet sends James in the jungle to stop Jack. When James is beating the crap out of Jack, Juliet stops him. He reminds her she sent him there and now she things Jack is right? She tells James that “she changed her mind.”
When James and Juliet are walking back he questions her motives and what changed her mind. She tells James she changed her mind when she saw him look at Kate. He told her that he was with her and she repeated what her parents told her, that just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
He asked her why she was doing this, she said “If I never meet you, then I never have to leave you.”
13)Jacob gets Hurley out of jail and then tries to convince him that he’s blessed instead of cursed or crazy. He tells Hurley that he’s lucky he can talk to those that have “left him.”
14)When Alana and her group meet up with Richard, Ben etc at the beach she asks him the question “What lies in the shadow of the statue?”
He answers her in a foreign language which she understands and seems to find comfort in knowing he is “one of them.”
Q, Why does she “need” for Richard to see what is in the crate?
15) In the cave, when Ben is confronting Jacob he said he’d been waiting 35 years to meet him, always doing what he was told to do and never being able to meet Jacob but when “he” (pointing to Locke) asks to see Jacob he’s marched straight there as if he was Moses. Ben wants to know why? Why Locke?
Ben then kills Jacob and the fake Locke rolls him into the fire after Jacob tells him that the other people are coming.
Will the fake Locke now take on the persona of Jacob and tell them that it was fake Locke that was killed and burned in the fire?
16)Juliet doesn’t die when she falls and then she causes that bomb to blow. Will this throw her back or forward or wherever so this never really happened? Will she end up alive next year after all?
17) When the island blow, what happens to the people on the island who are oblivious like Bernard and Rose? Do they go back too? They never left the island and never met Jacob (well that we know of) so will they be affected or just dead or what?
12 April 2009
TasteCasting Review - Culinary Table
When I first signed up for the TasteCasting Event at the Culinary Table I wasn't really sure what to expect. The name wasn't something I was familiar with and the name doesn't really give you hint to the type of food or experience you will have with The Culinary Table.
The Culinary Table is a collaborative effort which combines the culinary talents of Bellisari Catering with the decorating and floral arrangements of Natural Designs.
We were invited to the newly opened location (December 2008) located at 1664 E. First Avenue in beautiful Grandview. Driving through the area you get a feel for the history and sense of community. It is filled with big, beautiful (but not pretentious) older homes which just give you a comfortable, hometown feel. The facility itself is set back off the road across from the public library and is as classically set as it is named.
Immediately upon entering your senses are overcome by the wonderful aroma's from food cooking and by the beautifully simplistic and classic decor. The aroma and settings provide for a calm environment and you are confident that the meal to follow will not disappoint.
First we were treated to Mozzarella Stuffed grilled Portobello Mushrooms. These were wonderful... and quickly became my flavorite!! The flavors were rich and intense and I just couldn't quit eating them... just such a warm, comforting flavor. We also tasted Stilton Tart with Cranberry Chutney that was as beautiful as it was delicious. Dessert was quite a surprise as we found Sesame Seed Ice Cream with Italian cookies. Sounds like an odd combination but it was scrumptious. The flavors from the sesame seed were very light and touched by vanilla it was a perfect combination.
The Culinary Table specializes in event planning. They are available for graduation parties, weddings, corporate events and even more intimate privately planned events. At their location they can host events with up to 60 guests and they are of course available for off-site event planning as well.
The Culinary Table in support of Childrens Hunger Alliance will offer a cooking class for children where part of the proceeds go back to the Childrens Hunger Alliance. Information on these classes can be obtained by contacting The Culinary Table at 614-488-3714 or info@theculinarytable.com
My experience at The Culinary Table was very positive. I enjoyed the atmosphere and the food and found that everyone who works with the teams involved at The Culinary Table are top notch. Everyone involved is very dedicated to the success of The Culinary Table and it's easy to tell how much they love what they do and how much pride they take in every aspect of the business.
I will certainly recommend The Culinary Table to anyone who is looking for an event planner, looking to make wedding arrangments or any party type planning. I think The Culinary table is diversified enough to cover any venue.
07 April 2009
How Has Twitter Changed My Life
Seems like every day someone asks me about Twitter, They want to know what it is, what's it's purpose and basically what benefit it is to my life... Hmmmm that caused me to stop and really think...
Twitter is a place where you can come to the keyboard and rattle off a thought of 140 characters that thousands of people will read. That thought doesn't have to be a complete thought, it doesn't have to be a meaningful thought and it really doesn't even have to be a thought at all... just some rambling and ranting that came out of my mind and moved off my fingers....
No matter what it is, I find that somewhere, there is at least one person who identifies with that rambling and in that, we can have a conversation about it at lengeths other people may never understand.
I can come to twitter and write something deep and meaningful, fun and frivilous, wacky and way-out or just an expresssion of how I'm feeling at that exact moment and I can send it out for thousands to read. No may reply, no one may comment but sometimes just being able to write what I feel, no matter how ludicrous it may sounds somehow helps me be of the world.
I spend 5 our of 7 days totally alone. I am a SAHM. My 9 year old daughter is in school right now so besides the two dogs, I'm lone about 70% of the day. A person can go nuts without anyone to talk to, without anyone to validate their feelings but Twitter gives people like me an outlet to speak out.
I can come to Twitter, read a few messages and then start a conversation with someone. It doesnt have to be a long, drawn-out, earth shattering discussion, it can be about fabric, shoe heel size, the color of trees in Ohio or any other seemingly unimportant topic but for the other people who sent out the statement, someone who is much like me, looking for someone to speak with it can be a lifeline to the world.
Sometimes our short, out of no-where comments are merely ways of throwing out a lifeline, hoping that another individual is on the other end, will bite and then will chat with us for a few minutes... When we throw out the lifeline it's not that we need someone to save us, to save our lives but we need some type of human interaction, we need to be of the world and to have adult conversation that verifies we are alive and in the woreld with a purpose.
I am married to a wonderful man, I have wonderful children and I have friends but some days it's nice to have basic conversations with strangers just for human interaction. Twitter has much value beyond promoting brands, building business, building business contacts or networking, it has value in just reinforcing that as humans we continue to have the need to interact with people on a daily basis, to reinforce our believe that we are needed and necessary and to be validated. Some days we may rant or rave about an injustice and its nice to know that at least 1 other person feels that same way at that exact moment and therefore they can validate how you feel, allowing you to deal with it an move on.
Yes, Twitter has many uses in my life but it has changed it because in 140 characters I can become of the world again whenever I choose and then simply go back into my own world until I'm ready to come out again!
I love Twitter and the folks who use it are a community of friends, neighbors, relatives, therapists, doctor, lawyers, teachers, co-horts, rivalries etc.... we all need each other somehow....
Twitter is a place where you can come to the keyboard and rattle off a thought of 140 characters that thousands of people will read. That thought doesn't have to be a complete thought, it doesn't have to be a meaningful thought and it really doesn't even have to be a thought at all... just some rambling and ranting that came out of my mind and moved off my fingers....
No matter what it is, I find that somewhere, there is at least one person who identifies with that rambling and in that, we can have a conversation about it at lengeths other people may never understand.
I can come to twitter and write something deep and meaningful, fun and frivilous, wacky and way-out or just an expresssion of how I'm feeling at that exact moment and I can send it out for thousands to read. No may reply, no one may comment but sometimes just being able to write what I feel, no matter how ludicrous it may sounds somehow helps me be of the world.
I spend 5 our of 7 days totally alone. I am a SAHM. My 9 year old daughter is in school right now so besides the two dogs, I'm lone about 70% of the day. A person can go nuts without anyone to talk to, without anyone to validate their feelings but Twitter gives people like me an outlet to speak out.
I can come to Twitter, read a few messages and then start a conversation with someone. It doesnt have to be a long, drawn-out, earth shattering discussion, it can be about fabric, shoe heel size, the color of trees in Ohio or any other seemingly unimportant topic but for the other people who sent out the statement, someone who is much like me, looking for someone to speak with it can be a lifeline to the world.
Sometimes our short, out of no-where comments are merely ways of throwing out a lifeline, hoping that another individual is on the other end, will bite and then will chat with us for a few minutes... When we throw out the lifeline it's not that we need someone to save us, to save our lives but we need some type of human interaction, we need to be of the world and to have adult conversation that verifies we are alive and in the woreld with a purpose.
I am married to a wonderful man, I have wonderful children and I have friends but some days it's nice to have basic conversations with strangers just for human interaction. Twitter has much value beyond promoting brands, building business, building business contacts or networking, it has value in just reinforcing that as humans we continue to have the need to interact with people on a daily basis, to reinforce our believe that we are needed and necessary and to be validated. Some days we may rant or rave about an injustice and its nice to know that at least 1 other person feels that same way at that exact moment and therefore they can validate how you feel, allowing you to deal with it an move on.
Yes, Twitter has many uses in my life but it has changed it because in 140 characters I can become of the world again whenever I choose and then simply go back into my own world until I'm ready to come out again!
I love Twitter and the folks who use it are a community of friends, neighbors, relatives, therapists, doctor, lawyers, teachers, co-horts, rivalries etc.... we all need each other somehow....
03 April 2009
4/1/09 Happy 90th Birhday to My Daddy!
Yes my daddy was an April Fools Baby but believe me, he was NO April Fool. He was with it and he lived life like a fury. He grew up dirt poor in Vinton County Ohio. He was the youngest of 10 kids and his father died while he was a young child. Being a male and the youngest he was often the one at home helping his mama take care of the other kids. At 16 he entered the US Army so he could have a steady pay check. Almost every dime he received was sent home so his mom could care for the other children. This was his life, caring for other people.
My dads whole life was about giving. Always giving to his family, always giving to anyone who needed help. He didn't care if they were family or not, if someone needed something, he'd give them anything he had, including the shirt on his back.
Having a family just reinforced his need to always be giving to his family. He worked hard to take care of us and took little money for himself. He was man who didn't need "things" he just didn't need much. He was happy to have a working TV and radio so he could listen to his favorite team, the Cincinnati Reds. He did love to read and would read anything he could get his hands on but again, his needs were so simple.
My dad believed in family dinners which meant every night at 5 P.M. we'd all be at the table and eating dinner together, he believed in family values and in always putting family first. He worked hard to bestow those same values in me. I am grateful for his dedication to family, for his love and his devotion to my mother and to me, his only daughter. He was tough on me at times but even in those times, I knew I was loved.
On April 1st my father would have celebrated is 90th birthday and if he were still here, there is NO doubt in my mind that he would be the fiesty and lively man that he had always been. Cancer took his life but not before he could give it to the Lord at 80 years old. We were blessed that he was saved at 80 so we can spend eternity with him. Happy Birthday in Haeaven Dad!!
31 March 2009
Book Review - Knit Two by Kate Jacobs
Knit Two by Kate JacobsMy review
rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was an awesome follow-up to The Friday Night Knitting Club. Kate Jacobs just has a knack for hitting people and their personalities right on the head. Her writing makes you feel like you area a part of the group she's writing about, you get a good feel for the character and you get to know them on a personal level.
After I read Friday Night Knitting Club I wondered how she could carry on the stories of these characters and I was so pleasantly surprised at how well she "knits" this family of friends together.
Being an only child I know all too well how your friends become your family and how close you can become with people who don't share your blood. I just really loved this book and although I cried at the end of the book I cannot wait until the next book.
View all my reviews.
30 March 2009
Gastric Bypass - Surgery or Not??
My entire life I have been overweight and I do mean my entire life... I was born 6 lbs and 14 oz but then I immediately plumped up straight to obesity. I think by the time I was 2 I was probably a size 22 or some crazy crap... just always fat.. I fought and fought my weight my entire life, never to succeed on a diet, never to lose any significant amount of weight and keep it off. I was always the fat kid in school. In fact, I was 1/2 Japanese and I was fat... 2 strikes for a girl growing up in a primarily white middle-class suburb. Needless to say, I got picked on...
Every time I went to the doctor, and I don't care what kind of doctor it was, anything wrong with me was blamed on my weight. I went to the doctor once because I had an ingrown toenail and I swear the doctor told me if I lost weight it would go away... Ok.. how is that possible? Could it be it would go away because I could bend over to clip my toenails? DUH!
Needless to say I didn't have much (if any) self-esteem and my parents being old-school didn't have a clue how to help me build any. They didn't have a clue how to help me feel good about the things I did have going for me, like creativity, kindness, a love of others etc... any self-esteem that I might have gathered would be squashed by people telling me I'd be a beautiful girl if I'd lose weight.... By people who told me I had " a cute face." UGH.. If I heard that once, I heard it a million times.
I tried every organized diet program out there to include the ones that had you drinking only protein drinks, eating only pre-packaged meals, eating only low-fat food, eating only high protein foods and eliminating carbs... I've done it all... done it all and failed miserably at every one of them. Nothing makes you feel like more of a failure than trying and failing at every diet imaginable to man. It just didnt help that I really enjoyed eating, I loved food and I enjoyed the activity of dining, it was enjoyable to me, an event of sorts.
In 2000 I began researching weight loss surgery. I spent all my time looking for information reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. I wanted to know the different procedures, the odds for successful weight loss, the mortality rates, the pros and cons of having surgery. I began weighing the benefit -vs- the risk to decide if the surgery might be beneficial to me.
I read about the dumping syndrome, the necessary changes to diet to lose weight and then to maintain weight. I read about the need for exercise and also the fact that often times people had complications down the road which would cause additional surgeries or the need for plastic surgery to remove excess skin or tighten up areas that sagged from the skin that had been stretch from years of obesity. With all this in mind I decided I still wanted to go for it, that the benefit outweighed the risk.
In early 2002 I saw Dr. Patricia Choban at Bariatric Treatment Center(BTC). I had heard she was the best. I had a lot of info on her, her history and her success at OSU and if I were to have surgery, she was who I wanted to perform it. With my diet history and the fact that I had diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides and family history of heart disease it was not difficult to get approval for surgery but I had to wait until insurance open season so I could move to an 80/20 insurance plan where I wasn't restricted to HMO type coverage and then I could move forward.Finally I had my meeting with Dr. Choban. She scheduled me for surgery which would occur on July 3, 2002. There would be much to do before surgery so we got started with the pre-op testing including an echocardiogram to check heart valves since I'd been on Phen-Fen and with all that needed done the months flew by.
Before I'd go to surgery I wrote letters to my husband, my children and to my closest of friends. In case something happened I wanted each of them to know how much I loved them and how much I valued their presence in my life and appreciated their support in my choice. On July 3, 2002 I went into surgery at 9 a.m. When I came to, I felt like death warmed over. It hurt and it hurt bad. I found a pain pump attached to my hand and although it hurt I knew it was something I'd have to work through and tried to refrain from using the pump as much as possible.
The next few days were really hard and it didn't help that I wasn't getting any nutrition...well unless you consider ice chips and sugar-free popsicles nutritious. Finally going home.. that in iteself would provide it's own challenges. BTC is very specific about what you eat and when you can eat it. Their program is proven and is wonderful but you have to follow the rules and allow your tummy to heal. If you don't follow the rules you pay... by paying I mean you just cause yourself extreme pain and at times just wish you could roll over and die...
Just as with any surgery, every day that passes you feel a little better. With a new tummy I had to learn what I would eat, how much I could eat and how quick I could eat it. Having a meal was no longer "enjoyable" since I was so limited in choice and in volume.
It has been almost 7 years now since I had surgery. A million times since that day I've been asked if I could go back, would I do it again. The answer is always "yes." That surgery changed my life. Losing 160 pounds changes you, changes how you look at everything but mainly it changes how everyone looks at you. When you are overweight, you are treated as less than a person. People dismiss you as being invaluable because they disrespect how you look. Not all people, but a lot of people.
I am also asked quite frequently if I would would advise people to go through with the surgery and my answer is always, "yes" but I also follow it up with the advice that before you have gastric bypass you have to arm yourself with information, weigh the pros and cons and then really think about whether or not you can live with the lifelong changes you have to make in order to be successful. Often you don't have a choice, challenging your body causes bad reactions and after dumping a few really bad times you learn, you are not in control, your body now controls you. It's a life altering decision. One I'm glad I made.
The fat girl still lives inside of me, she always will. The way we're treated in life really shapes who we become. The mistreatment I received as an overweight girl taught me to be tolerant of the stupidity that other people can display, taught me to respect the differences in people and to be kind, even to those who sometimes didn't deserve it. All in all, being fat made me a better person... if that makes any sense...
If you're interested in Gastric Bypass surgery check out www.obesity.com. There is a ton of information out there and it's a really helpful site!
Goodbye Little Fishy!
Yesterday morning started out sadly at our house. My daughter got up and was happily anticipating a viewing of "Aiens -vs- Monsters" when she went to feed her little Beta Fish, Larry. Every day when she'd prepare to feed him, she'd lightly tap on the top of his little aquarium and he'd swim to the top and wait for his goodies to be dropped on the water surface only this time, when she tapped, he didnt move. She immediately broke out in tears and cried out that "Larry was dead."
At first it took me a minute to get my bearings and figure out who Larry was... it just didn't register. Although I knew his name was Larry I mostly thought of him as this fish that annoyingly lived on our end table while his tank gurgled and bubbled always causing me to think it was raining.
It broke my heart that this little girl was so sad over the death of the fish who had been here a mere year. I started thinking about how badly she'd be affected by other deaths in her lifetime and I cried myself, not for the fish but for the sadness my daughter would have to face in her life. We are always so happy when our children are born. We rejoice at finding out we're pregnant, we celebrate pregnancy and anticipate the arrival of the child we've waited so long to hold and then the day they're born we ourselves are faced with feeling so many overwhelming emotions.
During all of this celebrating we forget how much grief and unhappiness our children will have to live through, how sad they will be at times and we don't think about the fact that no matter what we do, we cannot prevent them from feeling the pain of loss. If we thought about this, if we dwelled upon how unhappy our children would be from time to time would we still have them? Would we still be so bound and determined to have children?
My answer is yes. The greatest joys in my life have to me in my children but if I could have one wish, I'd wish that they would never have to feel heartache or the pain of loss. In watching my daughter I realize how much like me she really is. She is very emotional and wears her heart on her sleeve. She is bound to be hurt so many times in her life, she is destined to feel such great heartache. In thinking about this I question whether it would be better to raise a child who had a "harder heart" and didn't get hurt as much or is it better to raise a child to be more loving and attached, where she is bound to face greater heartache?
If I could do it over would I be harder on her so she'd be more resilient? Would I teach her that it's better to have a colder heart so you don't "feel" so much every time there is some life altering event? Would I want her to be less emotional and more "distant?"
I don't know what I'd do if I could do it over. I can't do it over so why dwell on that aspect? It does however give me reason to think that while being so emotional with my children, I've somehow caused them to be susceptible to heartache.
Funny how little things like the death of a fish makes you step back to think about your parenting skills, your life and how you've brought up your children... maybe I just think too much...
Anyhow, goodbye to Larry. I hope he's in fishy heaven enjoying the heck out of some brine shrimp and remembering how much he meant to a little girl!!
At first it took me a minute to get my bearings and figure out who Larry was... it just didn't register. Although I knew his name was Larry I mostly thought of him as this fish that annoyingly lived on our end table while his tank gurgled and bubbled always causing me to think it was raining.
It broke my heart that this little girl was so sad over the death of the fish who had been here a mere year. I started thinking about how badly she'd be affected by other deaths in her lifetime and I cried myself, not for the fish but for the sadness my daughter would have to face in her life. We are always so happy when our children are born. We rejoice at finding out we're pregnant, we celebrate pregnancy and anticipate the arrival of the child we've waited so long to hold and then the day they're born we ourselves are faced with feeling so many overwhelming emotions.
During all of this celebrating we forget how much grief and unhappiness our children will have to live through, how sad they will be at times and we don't think about the fact that no matter what we do, we cannot prevent them from feeling the pain of loss. If we thought about this, if we dwelled upon how unhappy our children would be from time to time would we still have them? Would we still be so bound and determined to have children?
My answer is yes. The greatest joys in my life have to me in my children but if I could have one wish, I'd wish that they would never have to feel heartache or the pain of loss. In watching my daughter I realize how much like me she really is. She is very emotional and wears her heart on her sleeve. She is bound to be hurt so many times in her life, she is destined to feel such great heartache. In thinking about this I question whether it would be better to raise a child who had a "harder heart" and didn't get hurt as much or is it better to raise a child to be more loving and attached, where she is bound to face greater heartache?
If I could do it over would I be harder on her so she'd be more resilient? Would I teach her that it's better to have a colder heart so you don't "feel" so much every time there is some life altering event? Would I want her to be less emotional and more "distant?"
I don't know what I'd do if I could do it over. I can't do it over so why dwell on that aspect? It does however give me reason to think that while being so emotional with my children, I've somehow caused them to be susceptible to heartache.
Funny how little things like the death of a fish makes you step back to think about your parenting skills, your life and how you've brought up your children... maybe I just think too much...
Anyhow, goodbye to Larry. I hope he's in fishy heaven enjoying the heck out of some brine shrimp and remembering how much he meant to a little girl!!
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